Things You Can Get a New Mom and They are all FREE: Mother's Day Edition
With Mother's Day coming up, I thought this week we could do a post dedicated to some things that any new mom could use, and they are all free!
Trust me on this one. I know how exciting it can be when a baby is born. Whether it’s your new niece or a coworkers baby, it’s super exciting! I mean, cmon, it’s a baby. But one of the greatest things you can do for a new mama is give her space. When I had Paisley, everyone wanted to come see her. From my best friends to people I hadn’t talked to in years, everyone wanted to visit. It was sweet, and I appreciated all the love that everyone poured on my new family, but it was overwhelming. People would try and visit when we were in the hospital, and I hated having to tell people no because Paisley was in the NICU and she couldn't have visitors. People would try and come over when we finally brought her home and it was hard enough trying to take figure out how to keep a tiny human alive while I was tired, I hadn’t showered in days, and my house was a disaster. The very last thing I wanted to do was have guests over. Also, it was uncomfortable having to tell people that they couldn’t come over or that they needed to back off. I was worried of hurting friendships when I should have been worried about new life and how Tyler and I were going to adjust. So, here is my advice. When your friend or sister or brother have a baby, offer your congratulations, but wait for them to ask you to come visit. When they are ready for you to, they will ask. Once Paisley was a couple weeks old, we started slowly inviting people over to meet her and it was great. The photo I have shared below was when Paisley was over a month old, and that was one of the first times anyone came over to meet her. It was so much fun because my family and I were ready for it then. Don't be offended if your new parent friend or family member doesn't invite you over right away. It doesn't mean that they dont want you to meet their new family member! They are just trying to figure things out.
2. YOUR TIME
This means a lot of things, but it can all be boiled down to this: be there for your new mommy. Go over to there and help babysit. One of the greatest gifts I was given after I had Paisley, no joke, was the chance to take a shower. My mom or my best friend (Paisley's Godmother) would come over and watch Paisley so I could shower, go to the grocery store, take a nap or even just spend a couple hours by myself. Every time my Mother In Law came over, she would do whatever dishes we had in the sink and just that little thing made so much of a difference. A lot of the time when guests come over, new parents go into host mode. They feel like they have to take care of you, so make it clear that you are there for THEM and you’re there to do anything that they need. Even if they just need an ear to vent to or a shoulder to cry on. You have no idea how much those little gestures mean.
For anyone who hasn't had a baby, you wouldn't fully understand how much thing change when you do have one. I mean sure, everyone knows things change big time when you have a baby, but unless you're a parent, you truly don't get what that really means. And it's not just the fact that you have an actual, tiny, human life that your responsible for (and if you're like me you have no idea how you're going to do that.) Ohhhh no. There is so much more than that. Everything about you changes right after you have a baby. Your body is one you've never seen before. Your hormones and wreaking havoc on anything and everything. Your relationship with your partner is forever changed but this little baby the two of you have to raise and take care of. I am a young mom, I was 21 when I had Paisley. Almost none of my friends had kids of their own. There were a lot of things that they didn't understand about my new life. They didnt understand why I never wanted to go out or why I was never texting or calling them anymore. They didnt understand why I was sad and distant a lot of the time. And don't get me wrong, my friends and family are amazing. They all did their very best to be there for me. But it wasn't always enough. By no means is it their fault or am I trying to imply that they should have known what to do better. How would they know? They have never been in that position. But regardless of that, it was hard. I felt really alone. I honestly had changed. I was so tired and stressed and distant all the time that it literally just became my personality. I lost a couple of friends during Paisley’s newborn stage becasue those people simply didn’t understand and didn’t have the patience to watch how that would change. I don't hold that against them, like I said before, they honestly just didn't know how to handle what I was going through. I got into the groove of things with my life with a baby. I lost some weight, my hormones are normal again and I feel like the old Kelsey. But with that being said, I even lost some friends after I adjusted just because I am not the same person I was before I had P. My priorities are different. My idea of a good time is different. And that's okay.
So, the point of all this is just to be patient with your new mamas. They are probably more confused about it all than you are. Give them patience and time to get back to their old selves, and know that you will probably had to adjust parts of your life too if you want to maintain a relationship with them. Be there for them, be understanding, and be patient.
Okay, this is the only one that isn't actually free, but it is a big one. When my due date was creeping closer, Tyler and I were frantic making sure everything was ready for Paisley’s arrival. The nursery was painted and stocked, the house was clean, we had enough diapers and wipes to last us a year. The one thing that we didn’t have ready was food for ourselves. I don't really know what our thought process was on that, I guess we thought we would just wing it with the food? We soon found out that when you bring a newborn home, the last thing that you want to do is figure out what your next meal is going to be. Okay, thats not actually true. The last thing you want to do is COOK whatever your next meal is going to be. Luckily for me and Tyler, we had some amazing people think about it for us. Tyler's brother made TONS of dinners that we could keep in the freezer and just pop in the oven when we wanted to eat it. My moms best friend brought over meals for us multiple times. My mom and my sisters did a full grocery shop while I was delivering Paisley so we had tons of food when we got home. It took so much pressure off us because we didn’t have to worry about anything but taking care of our little girl. So if you had the resources and time, I would highly recommend doing something like this to any new mom or dad in your life.
5. LOVE AND ATTENTION
This one might seem self explanatory, or you might be thinking “yeah, no duh Kelsey”, but let me explain. When your pregnant, you get a lot of attention. Something about that bump hanging from your abdomen drives people crazy. Everyone wanted to help me with everything. People gave up their seats for me and helped me carry heavy things. I got more attention than I wanted and I love attention so that’s saying a lot. All of that changes when you actually have the baby. Suddenly, you go from the center of attention to only being asked to come around so people can see the baby. No one asks how you are anymore, only baby is doing. There is nothing that gets talking about other than the baby.I did 6 week medical assisting internship when Paisley was 10 weeks old. During my internship, very few people asked me how it was going or if I liked it, but everyone asked how Paisley and I were doing being away from each other. Now, I'm not necessarily saying that's a bad thing. Nothing makes my heart happier than seeing the overwhelming amount of love that gets showered on my daughter. I absolutely adore knowing how many people she has in her corner if she ever needs anything. But try and realize that as a mom, our whole life revolves around our kids. I've said it before, but it can be really lonely when all of your conversations are dominated by baby. With that being said, that doesnt mean that we don't want to talk about our babies! I love talking about my daughter and my life as a mom (obviously since I am writing this blog). It's just a balancing act. New moms need love and attention just as much as babies do, just do your best to remember that.
That's all for today guys! If your a new or expecting mama, or you know a new or expecting mama, keep this handy! Comment below something that you wish you had when you had you baby that I might have left off the list. Subscribe to get email updates sent to you every time I post something new on Flawed Mama!