This Won't Be Forever
Hi everyone! I am so sorry it has been so long since I last posted. We traveled to Hawaii, then Myrtle beach, and then came home to having a very sick little baby. Between the traveling and having a very needy Paisley, this is the first time I have actually been able to sit down and write something! If you follow me on instagram or on facebook, you might have seen my post about how Paisley isn’t going to need me forever. In this post, I am going to elaborate on that a little bit.
This week paisley has an ear infection. Her first one ever. She’s been so clingy. She won’t sleep unless I’m holding her, she won’t eat unless I’m holding her. I can’t clean the house, I can’t take a shower, I can’t do anything unless I’m able to do it while holding a baby.
The other night, it was 3am and I hadn’t slept yet because paisley wouldn’t let me set her down. I sat there in her rocking chair crying because I was so exhausted, and I prayed to God to please just let her sleep in her crib. Please let me go to sleep alone in my own bed. But God answered me in another way. Suddenly I realized, there’s going to come a time where she doesn’t want to snuggle me anymore. When she doesn’t need me to rock her to sleep. When my bed will be baby-less. I’m going to wake up one day and she will be all grown up, in her own home with her own family. I realized, that day is going to come a lot sooner than I think.
I started thinking about all the things I had previously looked forward to be over. I remember thinking multiple times, “I can’t wait until I don’t have to change her diaper anymore.” But for the first time it dawned on me that not needing to change her diaper would mean that she wasn’t a baby anymore. Or, “I can’t wait until she can just tell me what she wants instead of playing the guessing game with a crying baby.” But again, that would mean she wouldn’t be a baby anymore. All of those things that I used to hate and look forward to ending suddenly became my favorite things in the world.
There’s a phrase that I tell myself when things are hard. I say “this won’t be forever”. Meaning, that no matter what struggles I go through, they won’t last forever. Eventually, it’ll end. I said that to myself the other night, but this time it made me sad. My baby won’t be a baby forever.
Paisley turns one in one week. She’s crawling, pulling herself up on things, dancing, and saying, “Mama” “Dada” “Dog” and “Ad Ad” (our dog’s name is Addie). Everyday she gets bigger. Everyday she learns something new. And everyday we get closer to her needing me less and less. With that being said, I know she will always need me. I still need my mom everyday (that is not an exaggeration...I literally talk to my mom every single day).
So, to all the mamas out there, cherish these times. They might be difficult, but there will come a day when you long for nights like the one I had last night. To my Sweet P, I’m sorry you don’t feel good, and no matter how big you get I will always be your mama and you will always be my baby, but please don’t ever stop snuggling me. And to my own mama, thank you for letting me still snuggle you 22 years later.